How do we stop self-sabotage by breaking out of familiarity?
Ideally, starting a new adventure in our professional or personal life it's great. Easy to plan. In theory. And especially when it comes to others.
But, the reality is that often we’re getting stuck before even starting. And one of the biggest psychological blocking factors when trying to take action is ... the familiarity.
How can familiarity become a trap?
Our brain is literally built to worship everything it knows, everything it has seen for a long time in our environment. This is one of the factors through which we have succeeded in perpetuating our beautiful species.
Our brain’s operatory mode is simple: I learn, I follow, I integrate, I am protected by the group. I survive.
But what happens when we would like to break this group dynamic and get out of the familiarity?
Our brain, unconsciously, blocks us.
How to recognize it?
The familiarity can often be found in these types of simple thoughts:
"There is no one in my family who has a business."
"There are no women in my family who have a driver's license."
"There is no one in my family who has a happy marriage."
When we think this type of thoughts, our brain is working hard for what it thinks that’s best for us: “Brain alert! Block immediately the intention of familiarity exit!”. It thinks that it’s helping us survive. In a world where what we really need is to find our independence and our inner peace instead.
How would it be like a conversation with our brain?
Each of us: “I want to change. I want to do something new. Something that no one in my family or in my close environment did. I want to dream and achieve my dreams!
Each of our brains: “No. I've seen all my life something else. This is what makes me feel comfortable. Why would I change?”
And we’re not going to contradict it. Yes, it has indeed seen something else all it’s life.
But did it perhaps look at the facts from the wrong angle?
A potential solution: what if we try to transform the negative into positive?
By changing the angle of looking at any thought of familiarity, the result would be something that is just as correct, but constructive. Inspiring. Motivational.
We actually have the power to empower ourselves. To transform the negative into the positive. The destructive into constructive.
We could take a sentence that characterizes us, for one of our own blockages in familiarity:
"There is no one in my family who has a business"
and just make a small change. Replacing only "there is no one" with "I am the first". What’s the result ?
"I am the first person in my family who has a business".
Wow! A huge difference for a small change. It's correct. It's constructive. And it gives us a reason to be proud of ourselves.
How can we create long-term positive change?
The brain records and repeatedly uses the information we communicate with it.
One solution might be to try and take a closer look at every such blocking thought we have, from this new perspective.
We could try to modify the original thought and repeat the new thought to ourselves instead whenever the old one comes to mind:
"I am the first person of my family who… - the action of the thought-".
We firmly believe that little by little our brain can rewrite information and replace old thought with constructive new one. Let's start the positive changes in our lives.
And yes, our families and loved ones will be proud of each of us!